So, basically... I talk about people I don't know, complain about the film industry, and make random bitchy comments for no apparent reason. I will most likely piss you off, by being extremely irritating - I'm apologising in advance. So, yes. And how are you? Archives Blogs I Read Blogroll Me! Webrings < ? Blogs By Women # > < # Blog Girls ? > < I Kiss Girls > < ? Crappy Blogs # > < ? Blonde Logs # > I love to blog < L DykeWrite2 # > < ? diary of a feminist ! > Registered! Supporter of "Straight But Not Narrow" My blogger code is B2 d- t- k s-- u-- f+ i o x- e- l c++ Links I Like The IMDb Roger Ebert Mr Cranky B3TA Weavered.com The Spam Letters Television Without Pity Mr Nice Shelley On The Telly

Wednesday, February 11, 2004   Look what's this??? *warpy music* ...ONE YEAR LATER... Or thereabouts. I felt kind of bad about neglecting it, even if I cannot be held entirely responsible (things happen, you know? Plus I don't have a computer any more). So hello! What happened since the last time I posted? When was that anyway? April? Oh Jesus. Okay let's see. May - whinged around being whingey and saying "oh tragedy!" a lot. Honed crush on Fanny Ardant. Didn't do much. June - moved to Paris. Wandered around in Paris a lot. Occasionally wandered near where Fanny Ardant lives, got scared in case she came out of her house and saw me wandering, wandered away again. Fell in love with 1) a taxi driver lady, 2) a lady in the metro. July - wandered some more. Got too hot. Did not wander near Fanny Ardant's house because makeup kept melting off with the heat. Wandered in parks and looked at pigeons. Sat around in cafés. August - was too hot. Wandered a bit, shoes with spikey heels made holes in rue Lecourbe where the tarmac was melting a little bit from the hotness. Road where I live exploded. Lady got decapitated around the corner. Big mess. September - slept with someone's wife. Actually that could have been August. Didn't like her, broke up with her about three times. Stopped wandering, whinged around a bit instead. October - got stalked by someone's wife (the same one!). Wondered if this is maybe how Fanny feels even though I have been too busy to wander near her house since June. Got scared. Started wandering again. Found a Romanian girl. November - had photoshoots for makeup artists. Posed around. Wandered some more. Was happy about no more hotness. Found a stray cat, lost it again, wondered suspiciously if someone's wife killed it. Thought maybe should stop hanging around with Romanian girl. December - more photoshoots, less wandering due to spikey heels slipping around in ice. For Christmas got: 1) TS Eliot (a book, that is), 2) necklace, 3) flu (from Romanian girl). January - went to premiere of Fanny Ardant's latest film with a lot of girls who love Fanny. No boys for some reason. Fanny Ardant walked next to me (but didn't notice me because was looking either at floor or at co-stars and giggling a lot)!!! Emmanuelle Béart stared at me!!! Life is good. February - well, it's only just started, hasn't it? My friend Kerouac and I are planning an orgy. So far the invited people are me, him, Fanny Ardant, Catherine Deneuve, Isabelle Huppert, the Romanian girl, Madonna (the Romanian girl likes her), George Clooney (not sure why), and Orlando Bloom (definitely not sure why. I asked Kerouac and he said that he thought probably George invited him). This is fun, though. Paris, I mean. I'm not really doing anything except going to the cinema a lot, and hanging around in cafés talking to people feigning philosophical enlightenment, but that's fine with me. Also I'm glad I haven't run into Fanny. I could just see the conversation. Me: "FANNY!!!!!!" Fanny: "No, no, it's not." Me: "OH MY GOD!!!! FANNY!!!!!!!!" Fanny: "I was just leaving, actually." Me: "I LOVE YOU FANNY!!!!!!!!" Fanny: "Please let go of my leg." etc How is everybody, anyway? I would like to know. Please tell, do! Do my comments still work, actually? It says I don't have any, that doesn't seem right, maybe I am just Abandoned. Well, if they do, tell me how you are. If they don't... what do I know? Possibly more one day. Kitty xxx 00:40 | Tuesday, April 22, 2003   On a Melodrama scale of 1-10, I have reached "Gloria Swanson" Oh, goodness. I'm back in England at the moment, for Easter. Well, Easter's over now, but I'm just waiting to get back to Paris. I have to stay in a hostel. Or get a live in job. Or something I'm not going to be an au pair, though. I tried that for about two weeks in the South of France, and it was terrible! On the first day, the man told me that my legs were really beautiful. I got uncomfortable and said something like, "Oh, it's nothing, I'm going to run to fat soon anyway" and then he started fondling my wrist and saying that he was just looking at my wrist because his girlfriend could tell from people's wrists whether they would get fat or not, and my wrists are lovely too aren't they? Over the course of the next two weeks I discovered that he was also racist and sexist, and judging by the comment he made about "sissyboys" he was a homophobe too - all hidden hypocritically away because he wanted people to think he was a fine person. He really believed he was, too. I had to look after a baby! Can you imagine? I was terrible at it, of course, and I had to look after a ten-year-old too (which wasn't as bad). The lady in the house was nice. But unfortunately I hated the man so much that I wrote down a whole load of mean things about him and the whole setup in my diary, and then they read my diary, and now they hate me back. Especially since I wasn't too fond of the baby either. Sigh. It's like one of those caper movies, you know? Anyway. Pretty soon I will stop wallowing around in all this self-pity and whinge whinge and stop talking about how I worked 75 hours the first week and got paid £70 and then worked 50 hours the second week and got paid zilch (teenagers are not good things to be if you don't want people to exploit you like this). But for now, well, I'm complaining! I feel kind of bad about it though, because I wrote mean things about the lady too and she really was pretty nice. I think she tried to be nice, anyway. She said rude things, though, but I don't think she thought she was being nasty. It just happened that way. Oh-Poor-Me. This doesn't suit me at all, so I'm going to quit. How is everyone else? Did you hear about Nina Simone? She was such a cool lady. I miss my blog. And I miss reading everyone else's. I am trying to catch up but it's been a while and people talk a lot. Sorry about being so whiney. I won't do it again. Kitty xxx 19:49 | Friday, March 21, 2003   Eeeeeeee! Mais non. Moi, j'ai pas peur. Pas du tout. Okay, so I'm totally lying, but eeeeeee! again! I'm moving out! I'm going to be totally on my own! And in a scary part of Paris that can be dangerous at night! (However, it's just a short Metro ride to Rue Saint-Denis - Kitty's gonna get herself a hooker, oh yeah. Or perhaps become one, if there aren't any waitressing jobs. I really shouldn't have dropped out of high school.) Di! Ecce hora. Mater mea me necabit, because I'm going to pack stuff now, and it's probably going to wake her up. I'd include pater mea, but he sleeps through everything. Oh, denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur. God, I love Latin. It's so much fun. I'm going to have a good time in France, really. I am. Franci quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt, don't you know? So that'll be fun, especially when I get the hookers (the Metro stop is Strasbourg St.Denis, if anyone feels like going hooker-shopping with me). Latin! Yay. I learned Latin in high school. We had a Latin chanty thing that we all had to chant together and it made us sound like Gregorian monks, you know? It was kind of fun. Aside from the people who sang stuff like, "quidem penis", it went: Qui fidelis est in parvo In multum quoque est fidelis Nisi dominus aedificaverit domum In laborat vanum qui aedificant eam Nisi dominus custodierit civitatem Frustra vigilit qui custodit eaaaaam. God, my school was great. Really. We played hockey and wore kilts, and had a Head Girl and Three Minor Head Girls who were angry looking. And there were no nasty boys. And there were only about twelve people in each form, and two forms per year, so everyone sent everyone else a Christmas card. My ex-school! Woo! Okay, I'm going to go and pack because... well, I need to, don't I? See you in Paris! Die dulci fruere! Kitty xxx 22:32 | Tuesday, March 11, 2003   It took over a month, but... Is Kitty back? Is Kitty really back? Well, let's see. Kind of. For now. Until the 22nd, when I move to Paris and all is history (you will have to imagine my life then - I will be too impoverished to be able to limn my life for you). Well. I might be able to update sometimes. I'm saying that in a certain tone of voice - the tone you use when you go to someone's house for dinner and they produce something green and steamy known as a broccoli, anchovy and marshmallow bake, and you say, "This looks like it might be nice". News in Kitty-city since last update: Kitty is proud to announce that she passed her driving test first time, mainly due to involving driving examiner in long and uninteresting conversation about his caravanning holidays and finishing test by doing imitation of a sheep (Kitty imitated the sheep - not the examiner. He just looked scared). Thus, driving examiner did not notice that Kitty was actually driving quite horribly. Kitty has become more smug, if possible. Kitty is going to get her roots done and is dreading a return of the Yellow Hair. That running lady whom Kitty was going all sweaty over about seven months ago, appears to have done the unthinkable and got married. To a man. Crazy. Kitty now owes Renée £5 for bet re: running lady's sexuality. Damnit. I think she's just in denial. Kitty still loves Patsy Kelly. Kitty still loves Fanny Ardant, but not in The Woman Next Door. Kitty is going to "iViva!", the Spanish film festival, this weekend. To see Sin Noticias De Dios. Well, really to see Fanny Ardant in it, but who's counting? Kitty has decided that next year, she will run for MP. Kitty's plans are Machiavellian. Kitty will soon be the Queen of Everything!! (Please vote for Kitty.) Kitty is getting a new blog after this, and if everyone is nice, she will cast off the Kitty-cape and reveal her true identity! (Hint: It's not Peter Parker.) Kitty is even more obsessive-compulsive than before, and now makes her bed at least once every day. There we are. All done and updated, and now everyone knows! Oh, how I love writing in the third person. Goodbye, everyone. And god speed. Kitty xxx 02:42 | Friday, February 07, 2003   Teeny teeny update Catherine Deneuve Injured in Car Crash French actress Catherine Deneuve has been slightly injured in a car crash in Paris, France. The accident happened on Tuesday night at a road junction. The Dancer In The Dark star was taken to the Hopital Americain in Neuilly-sur-Seine, near Paris where she was treated for injuries to her back. The animal rights campaigner was released from hospital the same night. Pauvre Catherine! Get well soon, kiss kiss. Kitty xxx 23:17 | Wednesday, February 05, 2003   Patsy!!!! Yay!!! I read an article about blogging today. I discovered I'm doing it all wrong. But what the hay. I only updated five times last month! That's so bad of me. It means that I did not update twenty-six times. Granted, some of the time I couldn't get to a computer - but some of it I have no excuse for (and "I couldn't be arsed" is probably not an excuse). I hereby promise to update more, and be an altogether better person. My lovely lovely wonderful friend who I love (smooch) did something nice for me! He lives in Hollywood so he went to the Walk Of Fame and visited Patsy Kelly's star and took pictures!! Bless. Here, behold Patsy's star: And... umm... this is the building that Patsy's star is right next to: And, quite amusingly, this is the star next to Patsy's: It's funny because before he went, I was talking about that I want to have the star next to hers, and it turns out I can! It's right there, waiting for me! All I have to do is something wonderful that makes me famous. Then... yeah. Walk Of Fame. Doris Day has two stars. So does Eve Arden. I only want one. That one. In other completely-non-me-related news, the (joint)-coolest French lady in the world, Fanny Ardant, is nominated for a César! Heh heh. I so need to get a life. But regarde! Anyway I really must go. Because I just got out of the shower and I'm only wearing my dressing gown but for some reason I must have thought, "Hmm, instead of getting dressed I should go online", and I did. And I'm cold. Kitty xxx 16:37 | Tuesday, February 04, 2003   No more toasters, no more for me I may (heh) have mentioned before that my friends have a tendency to use me as an agony aunt. I think this probably happens to everyone. But now this has escalated, and now even my driving instructor is spilling his guts (not literally, I want to point out) every driving lesson. Dear Crabby? It's terrible. I listened to him for two hours last night, and heard far more details than I think I needed to know. I mean, I already knew he was shacking up with one of his driving students (who is one month older than me - sacre bleu!) and that he was still married... but last night it just went on for ages. Meh. Sorry. I am not good with other people's problems. The worst thing is, they think that I am. I don't know how my cold, callous interior somehow comes across as, "Oh, do share, dear - let me be your shoulder to cry on in any time of need" but apparently it does. Aren't I evil? Oh, I don't know. I got bored in the end. He asked me to tell him something interesting that happened to me lately, so I just made a bunch of stuff up. You see, nothing interesting really does happen to me, aside from video shopping, and he probably didn't want to hear about that. I have a mental picture of everyone with "How To Tell If A Person Is Evil" checklists, ticking things off and sighing at my soon-to-be-doomed-ness. I can't help it! Never mind, never mind. Can you tell I'm in a slightly odd mood tonight? I think it's the position I'm sitting in. All leaned over. That must have something to do with it - it's most likely messing up my inner karma by shoving it all to one side. Ommmm. Kitty xxx 17:54 |

Copyright Kitty. Mmhmm. It so is. Hands off all my cool copyrighted stuff.